surgery

What I have discovered is that if you want to write or mother or in
general stay quite active then don't have foot surgery midweek. I
recently had to have some surgery done on my big toe that resulted in
a complete avulsion. (That's losing the toenail in medical speak.) I
mistakenly thought I would be up and at 'em within 24 hours. That was
the biggest joke of the year.

It is now a week past the surgery and I am still using ice packs for
swelling, tylenol for pain (I can't handle the hard stuff), and
propping it up to keep it from throbbing. I am wearing a protective
boot that makes me feel a bit like Frankenstein while walking and it
is still all wrapped up in bandages. The good news is that the
stitches come out next week.

As a busy mom of three I had planned several evening meals for my
husband to prepare following the surgery. I had no idea that this far
out I would not be cleaning the house yet, not grocery shopping and
not have a handicap sticker, which I desperately need. The thought of
even having to walk from the back of any parking lot makes me shudder.
I even used one of those little carts at Target recently. But I felt
like a fool when I had to back up. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. It seemed
to mock me like "dumb mom dumb mom." I was so embarrassed I cried that
evening.

I cried because I felt so helpless. I couldn't mother my children. I
couldn't fix them a meal or help them get band aids or go to the
bathroom. I can't keep up with my two year old period. I have been
stepped on my everyone including the dog. I have cried from pain and
frustration. I just didn't expect it to be this hard.

One thing it has made me realize. I maybe baby my children a little
too much. The things I have asked them to be able to do for themselves
this week have not been out of line. Yet, they look at me like I've
grown a third head. These are things I have always done for them. Like
make their lunches. Is it really that hard for them to slap some lunch
meat between two slices of bread? It is for me. It requires me to
stand and walk which right now is the enemy.

I believe this surgery happened for a reason bigger than the health of
my foot. I believe it happened to teach me a lesson. One in patience
with myself and my children. It is teaching my children that they can
be a little more independent and responsible for themselves. It is
also teaching me that perfection is not necessary. It is okay for my
children to wear unmatched socks to school. It is teaching my husband
the amount of work that really does get done in the house on a daily
basis. But the biggest lesson I am learning from this surgery is that
you can't always be prepared and to expect the unexpected. Through the
trials and hardships that this surgery has caused it has brought about
some good things as well. My son has stepped up to take care of his
siblings, my two year old wants to kiss my toe to make it feel better,
my other daughter is starting to do more things for herself and rely
on me less. These are growing times. It is not maybe how I would have
envisioned these changes to take place but nevertheless we will all
come out of this better than we started.