past couple of hours. These tears surprise me. If you had told me
yesterday at this time that I would have cried all morning I would
have laughed at you. Yesterday I was ready to ship off my three
children for more than just a week in Florida. Today the house is
eerily quiet and I miss them greatly.
Up until today I was as excited about a week off from being a mother
as they were to get away from me. I gloated about not eating healthy
all week and not cooking at all. Not having to make three different
breakfasts at different times. I sang the praises of my husband who
was going to travel alone with them through the metro Detroit airport
and take them to Florida all by himself. Of course he can do it, I
assured others, he's their father. This is the man I gave a list to
about how to put in hair pretties, and how to have our son brush his
teeth extra long because he might have a cavity, make sure to
sunscreen them up, oh and did I tell you I space bagged the swim
diapers and pull ups? It worked wonderfully.
I know he can do it but I have always been there. I am the one that is
the organizer. I am the one who makes sure the beach bag is packed
with everyone's needs. I am the one who makes sure everyone meets a
new friend to play with. I am the one who talks to the other parents
at the pool. I am the worrier. He is the play partner at the pool. He
goes with the flow. He will be fine.
And yet thousands of miles away I worry. Do they have enough
sunscreen, have they checked in, are they having fun, are they hungry,
tired, bored? Do they miss me?
These sweet wonderful children of mine who bugged me yesterday for
everything under the sun. Who were unhappy with their situations, one
went to a birthday party, one did not, no one wanted to go to library
with me, one got fast food for lunch, one did not, each got to play
with friends but not for long enough, it's never long enough, one did
not nap all day and continuously threw temper tantrums. By the end of
the day I was considering a bottle of wine. One for myself, no
sharing. However, with an early morning wake up call to get the troops
to the airport I declined.
So now I sit in my too quiet home and think about all the odd and ends
I really need to get done now that there is no one underfoot but all I
can manage to do is cry. It is never easy to be the one left behind.
I know that my family will have a great trip and that I too will get a
lot out of being alone, despite having jury duty one day this week. I
will get all my things done, read some trashy novels and enjoy
unhealthy eating. But today I am sad. Today I will indulge myself
these tears. They are love after all. And love always come with a price.
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