means that I am sensitive to other's emotions. So much so that I will
"put them on" and "wear them" as my own. I often find that I am angry
or sad and that they are not my emotions and do not accurately reflect
how I am feeling. To counter this I have to center myself. I usually
use imagery of building a stone tower around myself with windows to
allow the sun in and a creek running through it. I realize this
doesn't make sense but water calms me so I include it and honestly
it's my protection so who cares?
I tend to avoid crowds because the collective emotion they put out can
make my skin itch. I honestly get so crabby that it is almost not
worth it. I discovered that I was an empath by accident. I always knew
I hated crowds and often found myself avoiding them. I knew for
instance by high school that I hated the mall at Christmastime because
shopping was never fun with all the people. I would feel nervous and
like something wasn't right.
As a parent crowds terrify me. I pick up on a bevy of emotions and am
uncomfortable and cranky and I have to watch that my three children
are safe. I not only pick up on all of the resonating emotions but I
am sure I am sending out my own terrifying feelings of losing my
children. Crowds make me wish I only had one child. Three children in
crowds makes this mom go around the bend with concern. I simply become
overdone with emotion about losing them as they dart between people.
Today in an effort to support my husband and his FIRST robotics team
he mentors I took my children to watch the matches. By the end of two
hours there I was completely undone. I was griping to my husband to
help with the kids and sniping at the kids to stop and be quiet.
Really? You are supposed to make noise at these competitions. I was
unreasonable and uncomfortable.
After my husband's team had their last turn of the morning we decided
to depart. It was amazing just walking out of the building I
immediately began to calm down. By the time we had driven about ten
minutes I realized that I was much more calm and was able to see how
unreasonable I had been for the past hour. I felt like a fool. I often
feel like a fool when this happens.
I realized today that centering is extremely difficult for me to do
with my children. It is incredibly hard for me to stay centered and
focused on my calming techniques when I am so concerned with the well
being and security of my children. This will be my next challenge. How
I can learn to do this so that I don't embarrass my family and myself
with my behavior.
side note: airports, amusement parks, malls and apparently a large gym
filled with people are my undoing when my children are with me. By
myself I manage to maintain a calm and serene disposition but it
requires concentration.
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