the cost of freedom

The cost of freedom is breaking my heart today. I have cried for the
past couple of hours. These tears surprise me. If you had told me
yesterday at this time that I would have cried all morning I would
have laughed at you. Yesterday I was ready to ship off my three
children for more than just a week in Florida. Today the house is
eerily quiet and I miss them greatly.

Up until today I was as excited about a week off from being a mother
as they were to get away from me. I gloated about not eating healthy
all week and not cooking at all. Not having to make three different
breakfasts at different times. I sang the praises of my husband who
was going to travel alone with them through the metro Detroit airport
and take them to Florida all by himself. Of course he can do it, I
assured others, he's their father. This is the man I gave a list to
about how to put in hair pretties, and how to have our son brush his
teeth extra long because he might have a cavity, make sure to
sunscreen them up, oh and did I tell you I space bagged the swim
diapers and pull ups? It worked wonderfully.

I know he can do it but I have always been there. I am the one that is
the organizer. I am the one who makes sure the beach bag is packed
with everyone's needs. I am the one who makes sure everyone meets a
new friend to play with. I am the one who talks to the other parents
at the pool. I am the worrier. He is the play partner at the pool. He
goes with the flow. He will be fine.

And yet thousands of miles away I worry. Do they have enough
sunscreen, have they checked in, are they having fun, are they hungry,
tired, bored? Do they miss me?

These sweet wonderful children of mine who bugged me yesterday for
everything under the sun. Who were unhappy with their situations, one
went to a birthday party, one did not, no one wanted to go to library
with me, one got fast food for lunch, one did not, each got to play
with friends but not for long enough, it's never long enough, one did
not nap all day and continuously threw temper tantrums. By the end of
the day I was considering a bottle of wine. One for myself, no
sharing. However, with an early morning wake up call to get the troops
to the airport I declined.

So now I sit in my too quiet home and think about all the odd and ends
I really need to get done now that there is no one underfoot but all I
can manage to do is cry. It is never easy to be the one left behind.

I know that my family will have a great trip and that I too will get a
lot out of being alone, despite having jury duty one day this week. I
will get all my things done, read some trashy novels and enjoy
unhealthy eating. But today I am sad. Today I will indulge myself
these tears. They are love after all. And love always come with a price.

surgery

What I have discovered is that if you want to write or mother or in
general stay quite active then don't have foot surgery midweek. I
recently had to have some surgery done on my big toe that resulted in
a complete avulsion. (That's losing the toenail in medical speak.) I
mistakenly thought I would be up and at 'em within 24 hours. That was
the biggest joke of the year.

It is now a week past the surgery and I am still using ice packs for
swelling, tylenol for pain (I can't handle the hard stuff), and
propping it up to keep it from throbbing. I am wearing a protective
boot that makes me feel a bit like Frankenstein while walking and it
is still all wrapped up in bandages. The good news is that the
stitches come out next week.

As a busy mom of three I had planned several evening meals for my
husband to prepare following the surgery. I had no idea that this far
out I would not be cleaning the house yet, not grocery shopping and
not have a handicap sticker, which I desperately need. The thought of
even having to walk from the back of any parking lot makes me shudder.
I even used one of those little carts at Target recently. But I felt
like a fool when I had to back up. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. It seemed
to mock me like "dumb mom dumb mom." I was so embarrassed I cried that
evening.

I cried because I felt so helpless. I couldn't mother my children. I
couldn't fix them a meal or help them get band aids or go to the
bathroom. I can't keep up with my two year old period. I have been
stepped on my everyone including the dog. I have cried from pain and
frustration. I just didn't expect it to be this hard.

One thing it has made me realize. I maybe baby my children a little
too much. The things I have asked them to be able to do for themselves
this week have not been out of line. Yet, they look at me like I've
grown a third head. These are things I have always done for them. Like
make their lunches. Is it really that hard for them to slap some lunch
meat between two slices of bread? It is for me. It requires me to
stand and walk which right now is the enemy.

I believe this surgery happened for a reason bigger than the health of
my foot. I believe it happened to teach me a lesson. One in patience
with myself and my children. It is teaching my children that they can
be a little more independent and responsible for themselves. It is
also teaching me that perfection is not necessary. It is okay for my
children to wear unmatched socks to school. It is teaching my husband
the amount of work that really does get done in the house on a daily
basis. But the biggest lesson I am learning from this surgery is that
you can't always be prepared and to expect the unexpected. Through the
trials and hardships that this surgery has caused it has brought about
some good things as well. My son has stepped up to take care of his
siblings, my two year old wants to kiss my toe to make it feel better,
my other daughter is starting to do more things for herself and rely
on me less. These are growing times. It is not maybe how I would have
envisioned these changes to take place but nevertheless we will all
come out of this better than we started.

Our Trixie

Yesterday my dog was barking while I was trying to write. It was
distracting and somewhat irritating. But just like any other child in
my house I realize that the reason she was barking was similar to the
reasons my children but me when I am writing; they are bored. So I
decided to stop what I was writing and write this instead. If you are
a dog lover I hope you will enjoy it!

Bark Bark Bark
Whine
Bark Bark Bark

Please come back
Whine
Play with me

Said to the dogs out walking our neighbors.

BARK BARK
GRRRRRR
BARK BARK BARK BARK

MAILMAN
GRRRRRR
GET OFF THE PORCH

Like any other dog I know mine HATES the mailman. I am sure it's
because he smokes while delivering the mail, which I detest, and then
drops his butts in our yard. I am sure my pup has picked up on my
disgust.

Bark
Snap Snap Snap
Spin Twist Jump Snap
Bark Bark

Please
Pop Pop Pop
Spin Twist Jump Pop
More Bubbles

Our dog loves when you blow bubbles for her. She looks just like a
circus dog doing actual flips in the air to get to them. The
neighborhood kids all love our 'tricky' dog.

Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark
pant pant pant
BARK BARK

Frisbee Frisbee Frisbee Throw The Frisbee
pant pant pant
PLEASE PLEASE

My dog would keel over dead before she ever ended a game of Frisbee.
It is her reason to exist, she is sure of it.

Trixie says things all day long. Some with barks and guttural noises
others are by the way she stares at me with her soft brown eyes. She
is so loving and wise and gentle with my children. I love her so very
much and am so happy she chose us.

being an empath

I am an empath. If you are not familiar with the term it basically
means that I am sensitive to other's emotions. So much so that I will
"put them on" and "wear them" as my own. I often find that I am angry
or sad and that they are not my emotions and do not accurately reflect
how I am feeling. To counter this I have to center myself. I usually
use imagery of building a stone tower around myself with windows to
allow the sun in and a creek running through it. I realize this
doesn't make sense but water calms me so I include it and honestly
it's my protection so who cares?

I tend to avoid crowds because the collective emotion they put out can
make my skin itch. I honestly get so crabby that it is almost not
worth it. I discovered that I was an empath by accident. I always knew
I hated crowds and often found myself avoiding them. I knew for
instance by high school that I hated the mall at Christmastime because
shopping was never fun with all the people. I would feel nervous and
like something wasn't right.

As a parent crowds terrify me. I pick up on a bevy of emotions and am
uncomfortable and cranky and I have to watch that my three children
are safe. I not only pick up on all of the resonating emotions but I
am sure I am sending out my own terrifying feelings of losing my
children. Crowds make me wish I only had one child. Three children in
crowds makes this mom go around the bend with concern. I simply become
overdone with emotion about losing them as they dart between people.

Today in an effort to support my husband and his FIRST robotics team
he mentors I took my children to watch the matches. By the end of two
hours there I was completely undone. I was griping to my husband to
help with the kids and sniping at the kids to stop and be quiet.
Really? You are supposed to make noise at these competitions. I was
unreasonable and uncomfortable.

After my husband's team had their last turn of the morning we decided
to depart. It was amazing just walking out of the building I
immediately began to calm down. By the time we had driven about ten
minutes I realized that I was much more calm and was able to see how
unreasonable I had been for the past hour. I felt like a fool. I often
feel like a fool when this happens.

I realized today that centering is extremely difficult for me to do
with my children. It is incredibly hard for me to stay centered and
focused on my calming techniques when I am so concerned with the well
being and security of my children. This will be my next challenge. How
I can learn to do this so that I don't embarrass my family and myself
with my behavior.

side note: airports, amusement parks, malls and apparently a large gym
filled with people are my undoing when my children are with me. By
myself I manage to maintain a calm and serene disposition but it
requires concentration.

Why extracurricular activities and children don't mix

I have found that as a parent you are expected to, if not required to,
attend your children's extracurricular activities. You sit on the
sidelines or the fringes of an activity sharing conversation quietly
with the parents around you. Sometimes you jump up and cheer wildly.
But I have never just walked into the middle of the activity. Who
would do that? My children.

As I was rehearsing a dance number for the next upcoming musical I am
in, all three of my children independent of each other, walked through
other dancers, running into some, to get to me. To ask me a question
or to complain. "I was in the middle of dancing!" I think to myself.
"What could be so important that you had to walk on stage amongst 30
other people during a dance number?"

Well one of them came to tell me they had to go to the bathroom. Okay.
That was good for safety's sake and I can see the bathrooms so okay he
got to go without me. One came to show me the picture she was drawing.
Not as okay. "Could you wait until we are done with the song, honey?"
I asked. And the toddler came over to tell me she also had to go
potty. Okay. And off stage I went with her. Of the hour I was supposed
to rehearse dancing I maybe danced half of it. The other half I
avoided the pointed stares of my choreographer who was not pleased.

Now normally I wouldn't have taken them with me but my husband is a
teacher and he had parent teacher conferences. And an unfortunate
chain of circumstances has happened causing me to have to undergo foot
surgery next week. I really need all the practices I can get dance
wise since for the next three weeks I will be in a specialized boot.
(note my enthusiasm!)

What I learned is that it is difficult to be on the sidelines. It is
difficult if you are the parent waiting to see if your child catches
the football and makes a play, or hits a home run, or scores a goal.
It can be difficult to watch your child play in their first music
recital praying they aren't too nervous or that they don't forget the
notes. It is just difficult having to just watch. It is difficult for
me and it was difficult for my children. In the end I grabbed the
toddler and danced several numbers with her in my arms. She loved it
and my choreographer commented with a smile "nice partner!"

haircuts

I recently got my haircut. I chopped about six or seven inches off. It
was a big deal for my two year old. She is still talking about it. She
likes to say things like "I need go get my haircut!" The same weekend
as my new 'do I also got my older two children's hair cut. I think my
two year old felt a little left out.

We sat talking about it at the dinner table the other evening. She was
playing with her baby and we were pointing out all the body parts.
When we got to her head I asked my two year old if the baby had hair.
"No her don't." she replied. Which was accurate. She is a newborn baby
doll and is bald as can be. I then began to ask her about all the
people in our family.

"Does Mommy have hair?" I asked.

"Yes, her does have hair." She replied.

"Does Teagan have hair?" I asked.

"Teagan have hair, Nick Nick have hair!" She replied.

Then she went one further and added "Trixie", our dog, "have hair!"

"Does Daddy have hair?" I concluded.

"No."

I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair. Of course this made it
delightfully funny to her as well and she grinned from ear to ear. Now
this is particularly funny because my husband has been getting more
sparse each year. That my littlest recognized his hair loss was so
funny and so sad all at the same time.

Sorry honey, but it was just too funny not to share! I love you with
or without hair!

bedtime blues

I'm thirsty.
Where's my puppy?
I need a story.
I need to go potty.
These are some of the various phrases I hear after I have tucked my
daughter in.

I sigh, leave my computer, walk down the hall, and tuck her back in
with the current need. I should probably not feel resentment but I do.
These are the days I live for 'night-night' time. It disturbs me
greatly when I feel relief and possibly even joy at the fact that I
have tucked the little darlings in for the night. So when they escape
I sigh and feel as though my time is being cut into. I've just sat
down, I think to myself. What else can they possibly need? Why won't
they go to sleep? Then I feel guilt. They are only children after all.
They can't understand that I give myself ten times over to them during
the day and that in the evening I want to reclaim myself, the writer,
the woman, the lover, the wife. I often find that after long
exhausting days I am unable to reconcile myself to the fact that I am
any of those other women.

Some days I find that I regret my decision to have children. No, I
don't really regret them. I just say that when I am feeling ragged. I
love them more than life itself. But even life is trying at times.

Why is it that I find myself responsible for every emotion they feel
during the day? If they are happy, I am happy, if they are sad, I am
sad and I try to fix it. If they are angry, there is a good chance it
is because I am angry. It is a game of emotional calisthenics.

I find myself wondering when we will grow out of the tantrums; mine
and theirs. Do other mothers find themselves thinking these thoughts I
wonder. Am I alone on an island of chaos? Am I the only one feeling
anger, regret, and exhaustion?

I know in my heart that in the next hour silence will envelop our
household and I will feel my shoulders descend from my earlobes as I
let go of the stress I have carried all day. I will turn off lights,
put away books, tuck in errant limbs and thank God for the wonderful
gifts I have been blessed with.

school

I recently returned to the work force, albeit part time, and find
myself no longer volunteering at my children's school as I had in the
past. So when it was brought to my attention recently that feces and
urine were not making it into the toilet at school but were being
wiped and or spread about the restrooms my children used I was
appalled! What is the school doing about this? No much. They are
unable to. They do not have enough volunteers and or teacher's aides
to monitor bathroom trips.

I find this interesting in the light of all the 'teacher fallout' that
we have been hearing in the news lately. Is it normal behavior to hang
out in the bathroom? Yes. But is it normal to play with your feces or
urine? No! Where were the teachers? Well, they were in the classroom
with the other 31 students trying to teach. They have to trust that
children, some as young as 4 and 5, can go to the restroom unaided.

Not only can they not monitor all the children at one time but they
have to trust that the children's parents , God forbid, actually
taught them manners and good behaviors. What? But that's what we pay
them to do right? I mean they have our children all day. The teachers
should be responsible for teaching them math, science, reading,
writing, civics, social studies, art, music, physical education and
how to properly behave in society all in the course of the day. And
let's not forget they aren't just teaching one child but rather 32.
That's the classroom average at our school.

I don't know about you, but I have three children of my own, and I
find it daunting to teach them all of those things. I secretly pray
that they say please and thank you to their friend's parents on their
own accord! I simply cannot fathom why we entrust our youth to a
select group of individuals, who must according to our state continue
pursuing a higher education at their own cost, and not think that they
are worth the benefits and pay that their unions try to negotiate for
them.

Why is it that we can continue to vote in politicians who will receive
either their current wages or a stipend of them for the remainder of
their lives but question the minimal pay that teacher's receive. Think
of the amount you would have to receive to clean up a child who is
covered in feces or urine in your classroom because they simply went
to use the public restroom, then decide if we pay teacher's enough.

antics of a two year old

My two year old is incredibly cute. Of course I am biased, wouldn't
you be? She is also incredibly independent. She must do everything
"all by myself!" If you attempt to help her then you cause a major
meltdown. And those meltdowns are rapidly becoming infamous in my
household. Even my other two children will tell their father or each
other "don't help her, she'll only scream!" My older two children are
even perfecting the eye roll whenever these meltdowns occur.

She is so independent she is potty training herself. This one has been
a bit difficult to understand because I sat for hours on the side of
the tub with my older two children reading stories. With my third you
are generally not allowed to cross the threshold into the bathroom
with her. You are also not allowed to help her in any way. No helping
with her pants, her pull up or diaper, no helping her onto the toilet.
Also, she has decided that she no longer needs to use the stool to
reach the toilet. Being the shortest of my children this is incredibly
fun to watch, but she climbs up just fine. Did I mention that she is
also incredibly stubborn?

The sunny side to all of this is when she says things like "I lub you
Mommy! I lub you berry much!" Or when she does something that hurts me
and she says "I sowwy. I kiss it?" These are the melting moments. They
are what probably what get me through the meltdowns.

Raising children is never easy and I truly believe that we are all
only given what we can deal with. Sometimes it may seem like a bit
much but other times it seems so easy. In the end you have to find the
balance of parenting. This can be tricky, especially if you have more
than one child. I know that there are days I put myself in a 'Mommy
timeout'. My children are not perfect, I am not perfect. And some
days being a mom can be incredibly difficult. Those are the days that
I live for the "I lub you Mommy" moments and I embrace them with all
the two year old love they come with.

Re: Reader's Story

Thanks! Wow!
I do have a blog but it is just something I post to once a week or so.
it is quiltsforfun.kikimom@blogger.com

Kirsten

On Feb 28, 2011, at 9:46 AM, Penny Williams wrote:

> Kirsten,
>
> I am posting your reader's story on {amom's view of ADHD} today. Do
> you have a website, blog page, twitter page or the like you'd like
> me to link to as well?
>
> Kindly,
> Penny
>
> Penny Williams
> 828/768-7366
> pennywpenny@gmail.com
>
> From: EmailMeForm [mailto:burst@emailmeform.com]
> Sent: Sunday, February 20, 2011 3:20 PM
> To: pennywpenny@gmail.com
> Subject: Feedback via the Reader's Story
>
> Name:
> Kirsten Battaglia
> Email:
> quiltsforfun@wowway.com
> List ADHD Children w/age and school grade:
> Nicholas, 9, 4th grade
> :
> :
> List Non-ADHD Children w/age and grade:
> Teagan, 6.5, 1st grade
> :
> Nina, 2,
> :
> Who are you?( Are you a working mom or a Stay At Home Mom? Married?
> What was your childhood like? Etc.):
> Part time working mom/part time stay at home mom. Married to a
> wonderful man who is also ADD. Discovered that all my 'hot' buttons
> are caused by all of my husband/son's ADD/ADHD behaviors. Go figure.
> One word to describe your ADHD child::
> Emotional
> What about your life makes your ADHD story uniquely yours? (i.e.,
> single parent, you are ADHD too, your child has co-morbid
> conditions, your child is adopted, etc.) :
> I don't know that my ADHD story is unique. I think my situation is
> probably pretty similar to others. But maybe what makes it unique is
> that I am able to share it.
> How did your ADHD child come to be diagnosed?:
> We had my son's first, second and third grade teachers all point it
> out. I didn't want it to be true and he is the youngest in his class
> so I made excuses for his immature and emotional behaviors. By
> midway through third grade I came to grips that my son was not
> 'normal'. That his excessive outbursts were not due to being young.
> What are your ADHD child's strengths/gifts/talents? Weaknesses?
> Obsessions?:
> Nicholas lives in extremes. When he is compassionate he is uber
> compassionate. When he is a bully he is truly a jerk. He is
> exceptionally smart, sometimes this is good, sometimes it can
> actually be detrimental. People see how smart he is but they don't
> understand why he has his outbursts or why he acts like he has the
> maturity of a two year old. They don't understand ADHD and
> intelligence are not intermingled. He can hyper focus like no one I
> know! Legos and reading can take him away from the world for hours.
> Meanwhile dinner time is spent standing up to eat and he is done and
> wants to be excused almost immediately.
> What sports or extra-curricular activities does your child
> participate in successfully?:
> He played soccer and was very good at it. In fact he played goalie.
> He is not afraid to dive in front of a ball. But he didn't like it.
> He tried football this year. He likes it but doesn't like practices.
> He just wants to play in the games. I am not sure he will ever be
> great at sports due to the inability to focus during practices.
> We'll see.
> He was involved in a lego robotics team this year. He did that well
> but again he likes the competitions not the planning.
> What strategies do you employ to cope with ADHD?:
> We have lists everywhere! Lists in the bathroom say things like did
> you brush your teeth, brush your hair, wash your face. The door list
> says do you have your lunch, your homework, your folders, is it
> library today? is it gym today? We have them for cleaning his room,
> for doing chores, for everything! This enables me to not ask him the
> same things everyday. I just can say did you check your list? I get
> less frustrated and it gives him a sense of control. Also, it breaks
> things down in doable tasks.
> If you could give one piece of advice to a parent of an ADHD child
> just diagnosed, what would it be?:
> Forgive yourself. It is hard as a parent to not question why your
> child has this. It is hard to understand and explain to others that
> your child has 'special needs'. It is not a'handicap' that is
> recognized. I would recommend that they do their homework on how
> they can best help their child but also themselves.
> If you could have a free 60-second spot on a public broadcast
> station, what would you share, show, say?:
> I would show pictures of my son like a photo montage. And have a
> voice over sharing my son's art work, accomplishments, abilities and
> then at the end I would show a video clip of the meltdowns and some
> of the more difficult times. Then I would simply say something like
> "The faces of ADHD."
> Does your child take medication to manage their ADHD? Is so, what
> medication and at what dosage? How does it work for them? What side
> effects do you see? :
> Yes. He is on Focalin 15mg. He takes it once a day. It does work for
> him but by the time he gets home from school he is coming 'down'
> from it. The result is we have lots of emotional meltdowns and
> arguments. It ensures he does well at school but it makes for really
> rough evenings at home. Also, snacking in the evening and sneaking
> food is his new thing. Once the meds wear off he if finally hungry
> and then eats pure junk instead of making healthy choices. Which
> prior to meds he was a great eater making really healthy choices.
> Before he never really like sugary foods but now they are his
> favorites.
> Does your child attend public school or a special school? Does he or
> she have an IEP or a 504 Plan? What kind of accommodations do they
> receive?:
> He attends public school. We do not have a plan currently but have
> considered one for next year. He does not receive any special
> accommodations because he has requested to not have them. He doesn't
> want to be seen as different.
> What else would you like to share with other parents on this similar
> journey?:
> Do your homework. Find support groups. Find websites and blogs like
> A Mom's View. Realize that it is a real condition and that life can
> be a bit more difficult for you and your child. But there are
> resources and people and lots of support. Surround yourself.
> Remember to also take care of yourself and your needs so that you
> can in turn take care of your child.
> Upload a picture of you, your child, together, etc.:
> DSC01376.JPG
>
>
>
> Powered by EmailMeForm
>
> <DSC01376.JPG>

traveling with kids...my new fear

My husband and I have planned a secret getaway for our family on
Monday. Both he and the kids have the week off of school for mid-
winter break. We are very excited about our trip. I started doing some
research today on tips that might be posted for families traveling to
our location. (Which by the way is a large indoor water park in
Sandusky. You should be able to figure it out now!)

To my surprise and horror I didn't find tips on how to use this
location with three kids of varying ages like I had hoped. What I did
find out was they have had several issues with bed bugs. Yikes! I have
traveled extensively with all of my children. I know how to plan for
long car rides, long plane rides, vacations that involve lots of
differing temperatures and require lots of clothing. I do not know how
to plan for the possibility of bed bugs.

So I did my homework. What I have found out is truly gross and made me
itch in my own home. The signs of infestation involve bugs, dead skin
and feces. May I just say YUCK! And of course my biggest fear is that
we may bring them home. I am lucky in that it is still freezing
temperatures here in Michigan and that freezing them is one way to
kill them. The other is washing everything in scalding hot water and
drying them on high.

My packing list now includes a flashlight for my husband's inspection
of the room and garbage bags for all of our things to be put into
before coming back into our home. Instead of bringing in our luggage
from the car when we check in we will be checking in with a
flashlight. I will distract the children by having them look around
while my husband goes to the room to investigate. But my reading has
warned that even though there are no outward signs of bedbugs they can
crawl through cracks in the wall and through the duct system. So even
though your room doesn't have them the room next to you might.

Needless to say my excitement over this trip has waned a bit. I am now
more worried about the possibility of an infestation of my own home.
Which I will share with you all I will not handle well. (Read: I WILL
FREAK OUT!) Our luggage and clothing will be put in the back yard and
remain outside overnight. I will then bring everything in and take it
straight to the laundry room where it will all go in the same load and
be washed probably two to three times. Am I being a bit obsessive?
Heck yes!

I am assured that we will have a lot of fun on our little mini-
vacation but unfortunately the bed bug issue will probably invade my
thoughts every now and then. I am sure I will not sleep well because I
will be worried about my children and bugs. It has brought to light a
whole new way of checking for hotels and research I will conduct for
our trips in the future.

just another day

Well Valentine's Day has come and gone. It is not really a day my
husband and I celebrate. I would rather that he buy me flowers or a
card on a random day rather than on a day he is 'supposed' to. That
being said I do celebrate with my children.

I had little mailboxes, that I found in the dollar section at a big
box store, waiting for them on the table with homemade valentines
inside. They each got a little gift as well. However, I kept it under
$5 for each of them. It was so special to see their faces light up at
their little Valentine's gifts. Even my son's face lit up!

This was really special to me because this is how my son and I can
still connect in a mommy-mushy way. I am no longer allowed to kiss him
goodbye at school. In fact the stand five feet away rule is in place
most of the time. But deep down I know he is only nine. He is still my
baby. He is growing up and trying very hard to fit in but every now
and then he will lean into me and allow me to hug him. It is
heartbreaking to me. I miss him. I know as his mom that this is the
right thing to do. But I also know that he sometimes looks at me
snuggling his two year old sister with longing.

Letting go and helping our children grow can sometimes be a hard thing
to do. I know sometimes I am ready for them to move out and go off to
college. And other days I wish they were all young and still snuggling
with me on the couch. Regardless each day is just that; a day. And I
think they should be all filled with love, not just the 'assigned' ones.

holey smokes people!

Well I will apologize for my prolonged absence. In my absence I tried
on several new hats. One being returning to work full time. That
particular hat was too tight, not the right color and really didn't
suit me, my family or my writing addiction. However, I did like the
style. So I kept that in mind as I attempted to try on a new hat of
similar style but with more pay, fewer hours and family friendly. I
will actually try this hat on for the first time on Monday so look for
Tuesday's posting!

With that in mind I will quickly recap the world of motherhood from
Christmas till now mid February. In short, we've all been sick. I have
fumigated the entire house at least three times in the past couple of
weeks. Just when I think it's safe to come out of my airlocked safety
suit and oxygen breathing apparatus, someone else contracts something.
In our household alone we have had three cases of strep, 2 colds, 3
cases of the flu and one ear infection. My pediatrician will probably
be sending me flowers this year for putting her children through
college.

Another hat I have tried on is the return to musical theater. I did
this in high school and truly enjoyed it. I just finished a show and
have already signed up to do another. (Look for show tunes to be
belted out during the writing of this blog.) The last show I did
involved my whole family, except my two year old. It was really fun!
My current show is just for me. It's been very fulfilling. It was
wonderful to see my children enjoying the theatre like I do and of
course I was a proud Mama watching them perform. It is also nice as a
mom to pick up a hobby I truly enjoy and that leaves me feeling sated
emotionally. And that is a hat that fits very well that I intend to
keep and wear often.

As moms we often wear many hats and sometimes wear several in the same
day. It is important to know the styles and colors that best
suit you. It is important to know that sometimes it's okay to put down
a hat that is beckoning to you. And that somedays it is just fine to
go without a hat at all!