selfishness

I think as a mom I have become very selfish. I am a very giving person
by nature. However, when I give of myself all day long I sometimes
find myself feeling grumpy about it. I find that my internal dialog
becomes "I have given you meals today, I have given you attention, I
have met your needs now give ME a break!" The problem being of course
that children don't understand that concept.

My children have come to accept Mommy giving all day as the norm. But
what about the days I don't feel well and just can't keep up? Well
those are the days I get the responses "You don't love me, if you
really wanted to help..." and my personal favorite "Daddy? Why is
Mommy so grumpy?"

But children don't understand the complexities of give and take. They
have been given things their whole lives. It isn't until we start
teaching them the idea of share does this concept of give and take
start to take hold. But then it is very difficult to apply outside of
their own needs. Children don't stop to think that maybe what Mommy
needs is time alone. This thought is no where near their radar. Mommy
equals comfort so they must stick to you like glue at all times. When
they need to recharge they come to you. When you need to recharge you
probably find yourself running from them.

I find that since I spend so much time with my children and my
obligations to them and their school I often times do not want to
apply myself to others in my life. It becomes too much to socialize
with my in-laws and that dialog goes like this "really do I have to
go? Their your parents." It becomes sometimes too much to socialize
with my friends; "if I just facebook them or email them, they'll know
I care."
But these sometimes are the sources of not more stress but rather a
recharge of self. Take the kids to the in-laws and let them play (away
from you!). Get together with girlfriends and joke about children,
husbands, laundry piles.

These times can be acceptable selfish indulgences. It helps recharge
us as people and as mothers. It is okay to give yourself a "mommy time
out" for five minutes behind your closed bedroom door. Sometimes I
have to take a couple in the same day. But they allow me to pull
myself from a possibly damaging situation. One where I lose my temper
and say things I don't mean to people I love.

I think as mothers we need to look past things others would call
selfish and readdress them as indulgences. Do they make us stronger?
Do they allow us to be a better mom, wife, friend? Then they are
acceptable. You need to recharge to be able to continuously give.
Find what recharges you and make a point to put it on the
calendar...in INK!