that if we could bottle it we would be very, very rich. But he CAN
focus, when he wants to. He can be absorbed in a book or building
legos for hours. However, if you ask him to do any kind of writing
assignment he has a tantrum worse than my two year old. He lays there
prostrate on the floor whining and crying about how I don't understand
how hard it is because I am a writer. It makes me wonder how much of
the tantrum is for me and how much of it is real frustration at not
being able to get his thoughts organized. I have a feeling it might be
a little of both.
I think that my son's diagnosis has sometimes affected me more than
him. His life is pretty much the same. He still has the same
difficulties and the same challenges. Mine however, have changed
drastically. I now have to diagnose symptoms and changes in him to
determine if his behavior is part of his condition or not. For
example, recently we discovered he is sensitive to red dye. This is
quite common in people who have ADD/ADHD. It makes him erratic and
almost uncontrollable. As both his catechism teacher and regular
school teacher informed me when they both called me on the same day
earlier this week complaining about his behavior. The end result is
now I need to add to his medical records that he shouldn't take
amoxycillin due to the red dye added to it to make it attractive to
children.
As we head into the holidays I have decided they are quickly becoming
my least favorite time of year. The glitz and glamour and crowds and
waiting that are all a part of this time of year are also all the
triggers that will set my son over a cliff. How can I keep him a part
of the holidays and yet separate to protect him?
How can I protect him is my theme every day. How can I protect him
from people who don't understand or won't understand that his
behaviors are sometimes uncontrollable? How can I protect my son from
the students in his class who see his explosions and decide that they
don't want to be friends with him? How can I protect my son from his
own family members that believe corporal punishment is the answer? How
can I help my son understand that his confusion and frustration are
okay and that we will figure out a way to get his writing assignment
done? How can I get my son to stop saying that he is worthless and
that he wishes he were dead? These are the average everyday concerns
of a parent of a child with ADHD.
My level of stress has risen in the past year. I feel so bad for him
and yet his behaviors send me to the moon on the anger scale. What is
the right answer? Is there one? Just as my son must learn to behave
correctly for society as a result of his condition I must also
continue to research and inform everyone around us that he is not
being a jerk it is just that he lacks social savvy. People are often
misinformed on ADHD. They believe it is something children can grow
out of. It's not. It is a lifelong condition. It is not a result of
too much t.v. or too little discipline. It is a genetic trait. It is a
direct trait. It must come from one of the parents.
In my case it is my husband who has it. We didn't discover this until
we diagnosed my son. It was amazing that the things we often fought
about were really just side effects of his condition. So now I don't
yell at my husband or son when they leave shoes out or papers
scattered. They honestly don't see the mess. They live in chaos and
they don't know how to organize. That is not how their brains work.
As a wife and mother of someone who has ADHD I commend all mothers who
have conditions that they deal with day to day. This is one of those
gray areas of parenting. One that is not discussed in mothering books.
If it were it would be titled: How to deal with adversity; the 'real'
story of motherhood.
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