when life gets in the way

What I really want to do today is stay in my yoga pants and slippers
and write. What I have to get done today is a laundry list of
activities for my children and for Church. I will not get any laundry
done, and it needs to be, I will not get any cleaning done, I think
there is there a floor underneath all that stuff, I will be lucky to
get dinner going in a crockpot and maybe get a shower in. But that's
not what I want to do.

I want to stay home today and continue the fabulous novel I have begun
as a part of writing challenge I accepted in the month of November.
The characters are calling for me to finish their stories. They want
to know how everything ends. And to be honest so do I. This novel has
taken so many turns that were unexpected that even as I sat writing I
would stop and think 'they did what?' It was almost as if my fingers
and brain were disconnected. I am enjoying reading my story as much as
writing it. Hence my disappointment at having to be a part of the real
world today. It is cold out, looks like snow and I have more
obligations that I happily volunteered for. What was I thinking?

I believe that moms today don't take enough time out for themselves.
Or if we do, we do it late at night, trying to fit in all the things
that we 'wanted' to do in a short span of time that eventually cuts
into our sleep. Then the vicious cycle begins of no sleep, grouchy
mom, yells at kids, doesn't get her stuff done, feels under
appreciated, feels selfish, puts kids to bed in evening, grabs glass
of wine, sits down at computer, forgets world and clock and writes,
looks up at clock and realizes if she goes to bed now she will get
exactly five hours of sleep, goes to sleep and then it begins again.
Okay, this may not be the typical scenario. It is my scenario. But if
you just fill in your activities I am sure it is a very similar cycle.
We sacrifice our own needs all day long and then again at night for
our children.

And what does all this sacrifice get us? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
The kids don't recognize our sacrifices because well, they are kids.
Our husbands don't recognize our sacrifices because they actually go
to sleep at night. We as moms must simply endure this chaotic time
when our children are small. Our reward will come. Probably in the
form of grandchildren one day and the ability to say things like "huh!
Acts just like you!" to one of our own children. This is when
vindication will occur. But until then I will continue to rise early
and go to sleep late to continue my addiction to the written word. And
my children? Well it's the weekend and that's what t.v. and delivery
pizza are all about!

ADHD

My son is ADHD and the emphasis is on the H! He has so much energy
that if we could bottle it we would be very, very rich. But he CAN
focus, when he wants to. He can be absorbed in a book or building
legos for hours. However, if you ask him to do any kind of writing
assignment he has a tantrum worse than my two year old. He lays there
prostrate on the floor whining and crying about how I don't understand
how hard it is because I am a writer. It makes me wonder how much of
the tantrum is for me and how much of it is real frustration at not
being able to get his thoughts organized. I have a feeling it might be
a little of both.

I think that my son's diagnosis has sometimes affected me more than
him. His life is pretty much the same. He still has the same
difficulties and the same challenges. Mine however, have changed
drastically. I now have to diagnose symptoms and changes in him to
determine if his behavior is part of his condition or not. For
example, recently we discovered he is sensitive to red dye. This is
quite common in people who have ADD/ADHD. It makes him erratic and
almost uncontrollable. As both his catechism teacher and regular
school teacher informed me when they both called me on the same day
earlier this week complaining about his behavior. The end result is
now I need to add to his medical records that he shouldn't take
amoxycillin due to the red dye added to it to make it attractive to
children.

As we head into the holidays I have decided they are quickly becoming
my least favorite time of year. The glitz and glamour and crowds and
waiting that are all a part of this time of year are also all the
triggers that will set my son over a cliff. How can I keep him a part
of the holidays and yet separate to protect him?

How can I protect him is my theme every day. How can I protect him
from people who don't understand or won't understand that his
behaviors are sometimes uncontrollable? How can I protect my son from
the students in his class who see his explosions and decide that they
don't want to be friends with him? How can I protect my son from his
own family members that believe corporal punishment is the answer? How
can I help my son understand that his confusion and frustration are
okay and that we will figure out a way to get his writing assignment
done? How can I get my son to stop saying that he is worthless and
that he wishes he were dead? These are the average everyday concerns
of a parent of a child with ADHD.

My level of stress has risen in the past year. I feel so bad for him
and yet his behaviors send me to the moon on the anger scale. What is
the right answer? Is there one? Just as my son must learn to behave
correctly for society as a result of his condition I must also
continue to research and inform everyone around us that he is not
being a jerk it is just that he lacks social savvy. People are often
misinformed on ADHD. They believe it is something children can grow
out of. It's not. It is a lifelong condition. It is not a result of
too much t.v. or too little discipline. It is a genetic trait. It is a
direct trait. It must come from one of the parents.

In my case it is my husband who has it. We didn't discover this until
we diagnosed my son. It was amazing that the things we often fought
about were really just side effects of his condition. So now I don't
yell at my husband or son when they leave shoes out or papers
scattered. They honestly don't see the mess. They live in chaos and
they don't know how to organize. That is not how their brains work.

As a wife and mother of someone who has ADHD I commend all mothers who
have conditions that they deal with day to day. This is one of those
gray areas of parenting. One that is not discussed in mothering books.
If it were it would be titled: How to deal with adversity; the 'real'
story of motherhood.